Ok, I've had this conversation (women's code for debate) with my boyfriend previously and recently, a similar conversation with 2 friends of mind, triggered my recollection: having children.
Firstly: I don't really want to have any children. Why? Well they cramp your style (maternity clothes are NEVER cool, nor are diaper bags and prams), and they suck your money dry. Motherhood isn't something you can retire from. Once you have a child, it's for LIFE. What if you do it for a couple of years and you realize it's not your calling??? That's too big a risk for me to take. I prefer pets, especially dogs. They walk around naked, they eat cold food, they don't talk back at you, and you can tell them all the secrets in the world without worrying they'll ever tell on you. They love you regardless whether you showered today or 2 days ago and when your first dog dies after like 15 yrs, that's THE END. You can choose not to get another one, or you can choose to get a fish instead. With pets, there's variety and chance for a fresh start. With children, it's a whole new level of commitment. Even a husband can be gotten rid of through divorce and your girlfriends may even support you to make that choice. But with children? NNOOO, put them up for adoption and you instantly become the scum of the world. That's why children are WAY out of my league.
But suppose I give into my boyfriend's wishes and have a token child (he can conceive the subsequent ones himself). Should I adopt or conceive one? Well what matters most to me is that my child is healthy and he's a HE. To even attempt to raise a girl in this time and age is going to be Mt Everest. Being female myself, I can blatantly say boys have wanted to get into my pants since 16 and thank heavens that I am a psychopath who was completely uninterested in sex till I become an adult (21). But I can't count on my daughter being a psycho too! And what if it was the other way around? What if she was insanely mad about sex? I'm not raising grandchildren when my daughter's only 16! So no girls for me! A son would be a much better fit. He could screw around outside and not bring the thrash home, and even if he turned gay, well I would have no objections because I have gay friends. Plus, his dad can do all the manly crap with him.
So how do I ensure that my child is a boy? First: IVF. Red flag! My boyfriend feels that it's wrong because it's unnatural and goes against his religion. Pointed taken and accepted.
Second: Adoption. Bing! Perfectly acceptable! And I even get to pick a son who has double eyelids like me and not single eye SLITS like my boyfriend. Bonus point!
This my boyfriend is not too keen on because he feels the need to have his own flesh and blood. This I can understand but I do not see why we humans have to act on emotions ALL.THE.TIME. You mean if I FELT hungry at 3am in the morning, I should just go grab a burger? You mean if I FELT like playing computer games all day I should just do it and not care about going to work tomorrow? You get my point right?
Anyway, isn't motherhood/parenthood supposed to be about unconditional love? If you're saying you prefer your flesh and blood, doesn't that make the love conditional already? I on the otherhand, am perfectly capable to love an adopted child as long as he is a boy. So yes, that's conditional too, but so what? It just means we have different conditions. For others, it's the DNA issue. For me, it's the gender issue. Does that make me any less human than you? I don't think so!
Of course, there is that part of me that secretly wonders how pregnancy will be like. It is a once-in-a-lifetime experience reserved only for women (blessing or curse?) and I am lucky enough to be fertile. But is this a NEED-to-have experience or a WANT-to-have one? I believe it's only a desire and not a necessity so I'm ok to do away with it. I'm not those impulse-buying woman who shop their entire family to bankruptcy just because they can't control their urges.
Well so for now, my inclination is no children or an adopted token child whom I will of course love and care for. I maybe psycho but I am also responsible for the people in my charge.