Friday, June 18, 2010

Was my grandfather a chimpanzee?

I've always found the Theory of Evolution fishy. Everytime I go to the zoo and I look at the monkeys there, I seriously doubt that our ancestors were just like them. But recently, a few encounters of the younger generation have led me to be increasingly convinced that this Evolution Theory might just be true.

You see, ever so often, I encounter the offsprings of some happily married couple behaving VERY primitively. Just this morning, a father was on the sub with his 2 young sons, apparently on the way to the zoo (maybe they have 1st cousins there who are the main attractions of the animal show). This awesome dad had absolutely NO control of his sons. They ran around the carriage, jumped on and off seats, swung around the overhead handles, and they REALLY resembled monkeys in clothes! This let me to reflect more on my countless previous encounters of primate-behaving children. And then, as some famous talk-show host would call it, I had an "ah-ha" moment. By golly, all this evidence that we come from a long line of mutated primates has been around us ALL THIS TIME!!!

You know they always say that children are the most innocent, pure, true, unpretentious little angels? I am a total convert now. Their endless insane and hair-ripping behaviour is merely them expressing human's primal need to behave like monkeys! Even adults are beginning to lapse into this primal behaviour that we have supposedly evolved from. We are getting lazier and lazier (elevators, escalators) because monkeys never did like walking or running much. We are using our thumbs more and more (think texting on the phone, playing computer games rather than real sports) because our primal forefathers LOVED using their thumbs! We are getting increasingly liberal (teenagers start mating at the age of 14) because our primal daddies and mommies had to mate with anyone and everyone to ensure their genes survived. So really, we are just de-evolving and lapsing back to our God-given nature!
Maybe scientists should look to the mankind of today for the long-lost answer of our ancestral line, rather than spend all that money randomly digging up the soil for bones of the dead WHO CAN'T TALK. Afterall, we are their descendants, I'm pretty sure we can dig up some amazing revelation from ourselves.

Darwin, you're a genius. Either that, or you created this Theory because your neighbour's or sister's children probably drove you up the wall with their primate-like behaviour and you decided to throw in the ultimate insult to mankind. Kudos to you bro!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

My baby or yours?

Ok, I've had this conversation (women's code for debate) with my boyfriend previously and recently, a similar conversation with 2 friends of mind, triggered my recollection: having children.

Firstly: I don't really want to have any children. Why? Well they cramp your style (maternity clothes are NEVER cool, nor are diaper bags and prams), and they suck your money dry. Motherhood isn't something you can retire from. Once you have a child, it's for LIFE. What if you do it for a couple of years and you realize it's not your calling??? That's too big a risk for me to take. I prefer pets, especially dogs. They walk around naked, they eat cold food, they don't talk back at you, and you can tell them all the secrets in the world without worrying they'll ever tell on you. They love you regardless whether you showered today or 2 days ago and when your first dog dies after like 15 yrs, that's THE END. You can choose not to get another one, or you can choose to get a fish instead. With pets, there's variety and chance for a fresh start. With children, it's a whole new level of commitment. Even a husband can be gotten rid of through divorce and your girlfriends may even support you to make that choice. But with children? NNOOO, put them up for adoption and you instantly become the scum of the world. That's why children are WAY out of my league.

But suppose I give into my boyfriend's wishes and have a token child (he can conceive the subsequent ones himself). Should I adopt or conceive one? Well what matters most to me is that my child is healthy and he's a HE. To even attempt to raise a girl in this time and age is going to be Mt Everest. Being female myself, I can blatantly say boys have wanted to get into my pants since 16 and thank heavens that I am a psychopath who was completely uninterested in sex till I become an adult (21). But I can't count on my daughter being a psycho too! And what if it was the other way around? What if she was insanely mad about sex? I'm not raising grandchildren when my daughter's only 16! So no girls for me! A son would be a much better fit. He could screw around outside and not bring the thrash home, and even if he turned gay, well I would have no objections because I have gay friends. Plus, his dad can do all the manly crap with him.

So how do I ensure that my child is a boy? First: IVF. Red flag! My boyfriend feels that it's wrong because it's unnatural and goes against his religion. Pointed taken and accepted.
Second: Adoption. Bing! Perfectly acceptable! And I even get to pick a son who has double eyelids like me and not single eye SLITS like my boyfriend. Bonus point!
This my boyfriend is not too keen on because he feels the need to have his own flesh and blood. This I can understand but I do not see why we humans have to act on emotions ALL.THE.TIME. You mean if I FELT hungry at 3am in the morning, I should just go grab a burger? You mean if I FELT like playing computer games all day I should just do it and not care about going to work tomorrow? You get my point right?

Anyway, isn't motherhood/parenthood supposed to be about unconditional love? If you're saying you prefer your flesh and blood, doesn't that make the love conditional already? I on the otherhand, am perfectly capable to love an adopted child as long as he is a boy. So yes, that's conditional too, but so what? It just means we have different conditions. For others, it's the DNA issue. For me, it's the gender issue. Does that make me any less human than you? I don't think so!

Of course, there is that part of me that secretly wonders how pregnancy will be like. It is a once-in-a-lifetime experience reserved only for women (blessing or curse?) and I am lucky enough to be fertile. But is this a NEED-to-have experience or a WANT-to-have one? I believe it's only a desire and not a necessity so I'm ok to do away with it. I'm not those impulse-buying woman who shop their entire family to bankruptcy just because they can't control their urges.

Well so for now, my inclination is no children or an adopted token child whom I will of course love and care for. I maybe psycho but I am also responsible for the people in my charge.