I've had my fair share of better days and today cetainly wasn't one. I had an IN moment. IN is my short form for intense. It was triggered by a rushed movie, a meaningless trip home and 20mins of idle time, waiting for an appt that never materialized.
I've always been an intense person. In fact, intense is the only thing I've ever known. When I was around 12, I remember staying up late nights to complete a pc strategy game during the school holidays. Strange thing was that even though I had completed the game before, I would replay the game again and not stop until I completed it once more. Now mind you, this game took weeks to complete. And during those weeks. I would have only 1 task in sight: to complete the game. Even before I was introduced into the wonderful world of computers, I displayed the same intensity playing with my lego. Twice every year, I would bring out my "patchwork-like" collection of lego (from different models) and build the exact same house, with the exact same garden, and my lego family in the exact same positions. Once the task was done, I would dismantle my lego, keep it back in it's box (a shoe box), and tuck it away until the next semester.
Of course one might argue that it's easy to be intense about something you like, a hobby. But I displayed this same intensity in school and at work. And who the heck treats either a hobby?! I never settled for anything less than an A in school. I had a system all worked out. And would not stop until I completed the work plan for the day. At work, I remember working so hard for 2 weeks straight when I was less than 6 months into the job, that I finally cracked one Saturday afternoon. I took the sub home, got back around 3-4pm in the afternoon and slept all the way till Sunday evening 7pm. That was how intense I was about my work. My mind had to stop only because my body couldn't take it.
Intensity is like a ritual to me. I seem to not be able to (or perhaps not want to) control or stop myself until my task was completed. Does it mean I'm more of a process-oriented that result-oriented person? Oh i don't think so. Because I clearly thrive on results rather than the process. Even in my love life. It didn't matter how I got my guy. In fact, it was always a different way that led to my success (no 2 men are alike!), but it was the thrill of eventually getting him that I pursued.
Why then, do I exhibit this inexplicable trait of intensely pursuing a task until the deed is done? Well for starters, I believe it is genetically encoded in each of us. We are all guilty of pulling late-nights just to complete the latest season of our favourite tv series. We are all guilty of spending the entire day playing a certain pc/console/online game just so we level up, complete a mission/quest etc. So the question again is why do we do it? Well heck it would be quite freaky if I actually knew the answer to this question. But what I will tell you is that this amazing ability that we all have, the ability to single-mindedly focus, 100% on a specific task/goal, can bring out the best or worst in you.
Imagine if one leveraged on this power at school or work. Think of the straight As one would get. Think of the climb straight up the corporate ladder. No detours, no derailing, no getting sidetracked.
Then imagine if one abused this power and turned into a gaming addict, not able to say NO to the latest big game of the season. Is this not true of all addicts? Alcohol, drugs, junk food, porn, gambling. It is the abuse of the mind's ability to be intense, to be absolute about something, be it a feeling, a habit, or a mindset.
Perhaps the best example of this unrivaled gift of intensity is most parents' ability to unconditionally love their children. This mission starts upon pregnancy, and ends in someone's grave. Undoubtedly, the marathon of all marathons for focusing on a single-task. I too hope that one day, I will be able to summon this great power of intensity within me and use it for good. As someone once said: "With great power comes great responsiblity."
I have no doubt about that. And that responsiblity begins with yourself. Are you ready?
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
Was my grandfather a chimpanzee?
I've always found the Theory of Evolution fishy. Everytime I go to the zoo and I look at the monkeys there, I seriously doubt that our ancestors were just like them. But recently, a few encounters of the younger generation have led me to be increasingly convinced that this Evolution Theory might just be true.
You see, ever so often, I encounter the offsprings of some happily married couple behaving VERY primitively. Just this morning, a father was on the sub with his 2 young sons, apparently on the way to the zoo (maybe they have 1st cousins there who are the main attractions of the animal show). This awesome dad had absolutely NO control of his sons. They ran around the carriage, jumped on and off seats, swung around the overhead handles, and they REALLY resembled monkeys in clothes! This let me to reflect more on my countless previous encounters of primate-behaving children. And then, as some famous talk-show host would call it, I had an "ah-ha" moment. By golly, all this evidence that we come from a long line of mutated primates has been around us ALL THIS TIME!!!
You know they always say that children are the most innocent, pure, true, unpretentious little angels? I am a total convert now. Their endless insane and hair-ripping behaviour is merely them expressing human's primal need to behave like monkeys! Even adults are beginning to lapse into this primal behaviour that we have supposedly evolved from. We are getting lazier and lazier (elevators, escalators) because monkeys never did like walking or running much. We are using our thumbs more and more (think texting on the phone, playing computer games rather than real sports) because our primal forefathers LOVED using their thumbs! We are getting increasingly liberal (teenagers start mating at the age of 14) because our primal daddies and mommies had to mate with anyone and everyone to ensure their genes survived. So really, we are just de-evolving and lapsing back to our God-given nature!
Maybe scientists should look to the mankind of today for the long-lost answer of our ancestral line, rather than spend all that money randomly digging up the soil for bones of the dead WHO CAN'T TALK. Afterall, we are their descendants, I'm pretty sure we can dig up some amazing revelation from ourselves.
Darwin, you're a genius. Either that, or you created this Theory because your neighbour's or sister's children probably drove you up the wall with their primate-like behaviour and you decided to throw in the ultimate insult to mankind. Kudos to you bro!
You see, ever so often, I encounter the offsprings of some happily married couple behaving VERY primitively. Just this morning, a father was on the sub with his 2 young sons, apparently on the way to the zoo (maybe they have 1st cousins there who are the main attractions of the animal show). This awesome dad had absolutely NO control of his sons. They ran around the carriage, jumped on and off seats, swung around the overhead handles, and they REALLY resembled monkeys in clothes! This let me to reflect more on my countless previous encounters of primate-behaving children. And then, as some famous talk-show host would call it, I had an "ah-ha" moment. By golly, all this evidence that we come from a long line of mutated primates has been around us ALL THIS TIME!!!
You know they always say that children are the most innocent, pure, true, unpretentious little angels? I am a total convert now. Their endless insane and hair-ripping behaviour is merely them expressing human's primal need to behave like monkeys! Even adults are beginning to lapse into this primal behaviour that we have supposedly evolved from. We are getting lazier and lazier (elevators, escalators) because monkeys never did like walking or running much. We are using our thumbs more and more (think texting on the phone, playing computer games rather than real sports) because our primal forefathers LOVED using their thumbs! We are getting increasingly liberal (teenagers start mating at the age of 14) because our primal daddies and mommies had to mate with anyone and everyone to ensure their genes survived. So really, we are just de-evolving and lapsing back to our God-given nature!
Maybe scientists should look to the mankind of today for the long-lost answer of our ancestral line, rather than spend all that money randomly digging up the soil for bones of the dead WHO CAN'T TALK. Afterall, we are their descendants, I'm pretty sure we can dig up some amazing revelation from ourselves.
Darwin, you're a genius. Either that, or you created this Theory because your neighbour's or sister's children probably drove you up the wall with their primate-like behaviour and you decided to throw in the ultimate insult to mankind. Kudos to you bro!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
My baby or yours?
Ok, I've had this conversation (women's code for debate) with my boyfriend previously and recently, a similar conversation with 2 friends of mind, triggered my recollection: having children.
Firstly: I don't really want to have any children. Why? Well they cramp your style (maternity clothes are NEVER cool, nor are diaper bags and prams), and they suck your money dry. Motherhood isn't something you can retire from. Once you have a child, it's for LIFE. What if you do it for a couple of years and you realize it's not your calling??? That's too big a risk for me to take. I prefer pets, especially dogs. They walk around naked, they eat cold food, they don't talk back at you, and you can tell them all the secrets in the world without worrying they'll ever tell on you. They love you regardless whether you showered today or 2 days ago and when your first dog dies after like 15 yrs, that's THE END. You can choose not to get another one, or you can choose to get a fish instead. With pets, there's variety and chance for a fresh start. With children, it's a whole new level of commitment. Even a husband can be gotten rid of through divorce and your girlfriends may even support you to make that choice. But with children? NNOOO, put them up for adoption and you instantly become the scum of the world. That's why children are WAY out of my league.
But suppose I give into my boyfriend's wishes and have a token child (he can conceive the subsequent ones himself). Should I adopt or conceive one? Well what matters most to me is that my child is healthy and he's a HE. To even attempt to raise a girl in this time and age is going to be Mt Everest. Being female myself, I can blatantly say boys have wanted to get into my pants since 16 and thank heavens that I am a psychopath who was completely uninterested in sex till I become an adult (21). But I can't count on my daughter being a psycho too! And what if it was the other way around? What if she was insanely mad about sex? I'm not raising grandchildren when my daughter's only 16! So no girls for me! A son would be a much better fit. He could screw around outside and not bring the thrash home, and even if he turned gay, well I would have no objections because I have gay friends. Plus, his dad can do all the manly crap with him.
So how do I ensure that my child is a boy? First: IVF. Red flag! My boyfriend feels that it's wrong because it's unnatural and goes against his religion. Pointed taken and accepted.
Second: Adoption. Bing! Perfectly acceptable! And I even get to pick a son who has double eyelids like me and not single eye SLITS like my boyfriend. Bonus point!
This my boyfriend is not too keen on because he feels the need to have his own flesh and blood. This I can understand but I do not see why we humans have to act on emotions ALL.THE.TIME. You mean if I FELT hungry at 3am in the morning, I should just go grab a burger? You mean if I FELT like playing computer games all day I should just do it and not care about going to work tomorrow? You get my point right?
Anyway, isn't motherhood/parenthood supposed to be about unconditional love? If you're saying you prefer your flesh and blood, doesn't that make the love conditional already? I on the otherhand, am perfectly capable to love an adopted child as long as he is a boy. So yes, that's conditional too, but so what? It just means we have different conditions. For others, it's the DNA issue. For me, it's the gender issue. Does that make me any less human than you? I don't think so!
Of course, there is that part of me that secretly wonders how pregnancy will be like. It is a once-in-a-lifetime experience reserved only for women (blessing or curse?) and I am lucky enough to be fertile. But is this a NEED-to-have experience or a WANT-to-have one? I believe it's only a desire and not a necessity so I'm ok to do away with it. I'm not those impulse-buying woman who shop their entire family to bankruptcy just because they can't control their urges.
Well so for now, my inclination is no children or an adopted token child whom I will of course love and care for. I maybe psycho but I am also responsible for the people in my charge.
Firstly: I don't really want to have any children. Why? Well they cramp your style (maternity clothes are NEVER cool, nor are diaper bags and prams), and they suck your money dry. Motherhood isn't something you can retire from. Once you have a child, it's for LIFE. What if you do it for a couple of years and you realize it's not your calling??? That's too big a risk for me to take. I prefer pets, especially dogs. They walk around naked, they eat cold food, they don't talk back at you, and you can tell them all the secrets in the world without worrying they'll ever tell on you. They love you regardless whether you showered today or 2 days ago and when your first dog dies after like 15 yrs, that's THE END. You can choose not to get another one, or you can choose to get a fish instead. With pets, there's variety and chance for a fresh start. With children, it's a whole new level of commitment. Even a husband can be gotten rid of through divorce and your girlfriends may even support you to make that choice. But with children? NNOOO, put them up for adoption and you instantly become the scum of the world. That's why children are WAY out of my league.
But suppose I give into my boyfriend's wishes and have a token child (he can conceive the subsequent ones himself). Should I adopt or conceive one? Well what matters most to me is that my child is healthy and he's a HE. To even attempt to raise a girl in this time and age is going to be Mt Everest. Being female myself, I can blatantly say boys have wanted to get into my pants since 16 and thank heavens that I am a psychopath who was completely uninterested in sex till I become an adult (21). But I can't count on my daughter being a psycho too! And what if it was the other way around? What if she was insanely mad about sex? I'm not raising grandchildren when my daughter's only 16! So no girls for me! A son would be a much better fit. He could screw around outside and not bring the thrash home, and even if he turned gay, well I would have no objections because I have gay friends. Plus, his dad can do all the manly crap with him.
So how do I ensure that my child is a boy? First: IVF. Red flag! My boyfriend feels that it's wrong because it's unnatural and goes against his religion. Pointed taken and accepted.
Second: Adoption. Bing! Perfectly acceptable! And I even get to pick a son who has double eyelids like me and not single eye SLITS like my boyfriend. Bonus point!
This my boyfriend is not too keen on because he feels the need to have his own flesh and blood. This I can understand but I do not see why we humans have to act on emotions ALL.THE.TIME. You mean if I FELT hungry at 3am in the morning, I should just go grab a burger? You mean if I FELT like playing computer games all day I should just do it and not care about going to work tomorrow? You get my point right?
Anyway, isn't motherhood/parenthood supposed to be about unconditional love? If you're saying you prefer your flesh and blood, doesn't that make the love conditional already? I on the otherhand, am perfectly capable to love an adopted child as long as he is a boy. So yes, that's conditional too, but so what? It just means we have different conditions. For others, it's the DNA issue. For me, it's the gender issue. Does that make me any less human than you? I don't think so!
Of course, there is that part of me that secretly wonders how pregnancy will be like. It is a once-in-a-lifetime experience reserved only for women (blessing or curse?) and I am lucky enough to be fertile. But is this a NEED-to-have experience or a WANT-to-have one? I believe it's only a desire and not a necessity so I'm ok to do away with it. I'm not those impulse-buying woman who shop their entire family to bankruptcy just because they can't control their urges.
Well so for now, my inclination is no children or an adopted token child whom I will of course love and care for. I maybe psycho but I am also responsible for the people in my charge.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Humans, the ultimate pest!
Ok so we all know this world is overpopulated, but what should we do? We can't stop making babies because we haven't found the elixir to eternal life yet. So developed countries have too many old and fat people and not enough babies, and Third World nations are popping babies like hamsters and their people hardly live beyond the ripe old age of 50. Weird isn't it? Seems like we are never meant to have our pie and eat it. What's the solution? Is there even a solution? Well, I've got a couple of ideas so hear me out first before you judge me.
Old people: I propose that ANYONE above the age of 65 should be put to sleep (which means die). Forgive me for being direct but what point is there in keeping an old fart who cannot even remember their own name or is living off social welfare or pension that the state is paying using taxpayer's money?
Unless you own a certain amount of wealth, maybe $10million or have a Nobel Peace prize sitting on your bookshelf, it's time for you to GO buddy. You've had 65yrs, give other people a chance. It has its upsides too. You don't have to scrimp and save like the Grouch, not knowing whether to spend your hard-earned money or not since you don't know when you're going to die.
With a dateline in sight, you can spend your last dollar without worrying about tomorrow because you know there's not going to be a tomorrow. There's less chance that you'll die without a will because you know you'll die by 65 regardless. So we'll see less squabbles over family heritance. Peace on earth!
Sick people: I've really got something against this. Why are we spending SOOO much money on healthcare for the sickly when Mother Nature would have left them to die. Everyone knows that in the wild, it's the survival of the fittest. The sick and weak die and the fittest live on. It's a natural cycle and we're now tempering with it! I say people with cancer, AIDS, organ problems, mental disorders should all GO. Think about the tonnes of money we save on that and think about the quality of our genes in the future. Our gene pool simply gets better and better in quality, ensuring that the future generation have lesser and lesser of these problems. So really, though we maybe wiping out a gazillion people now, but much lesser of our future generation will die from such ailments. We will also see a spike in people taking real ownership of their health. Those who allow themselves to eat to obesity and diabetics DO NOT deserve our help. Why should we help people who choose to self-destruct? You might as well give your money to the drug addict on the streets! It's the same!
Yes many lives will be lost initially as a result of this radical reformation. But if we are truly selfless, we will undeniably recognize that the future generation have alot more to benefit than if we were to continue the way we are now. Less unnecessary people = earth lasting longer = more time for mankind to find ways to reverse pollution before EVERYONE DIES.
Less money spent on healthcare and welfare on the sick and old = more money for law enforcement, education, infrastructure, research on pollution.
If you think you're smart enough to outwit Mother Nature, then you're really dumb. Mother Nature MADE you. And Her Law says that it's survival of the fittest. So start respecting that people.
Old people: I propose that ANYONE above the age of 65 should be put to sleep (which means die). Forgive me for being direct but what point is there in keeping an old fart who cannot even remember their own name or is living off social welfare or pension that the state is paying using taxpayer's money?
Unless you own a certain amount of wealth, maybe $10million or have a Nobel Peace prize sitting on your bookshelf, it's time for you to GO buddy. You've had 65yrs, give other people a chance. It has its upsides too. You don't have to scrimp and save like the Grouch, not knowing whether to spend your hard-earned money or not since you don't know when you're going to die.
With a dateline in sight, you can spend your last dollar without worrying about tomorrow because you know there's not going to be a tomorrow. There's less chance that you'll die without a will because you know you'll die by 65 regardless. So we'll see less squabbles over family heritance. Peace on earth!
Sick people: I've really got something against this. Why are we spending SOOO much money on healthcare for the sickly when Mother Nature would have left them to die. Everyone knows that in the wild, it's the survival of the fittest. The sick and weak die and the fittest live on. It's a natural cycle and we're now tempering with it! I say people with cancer, AIDS, organ problems, mental disorders should all GO. Think about the tonnes of money we save on that and think about the quality of our genes in the future. Our gene pool simply gets better and better in quality, ensuring that the future generation have lesser and lesser of these problems. So really, though we maybe wiping out a gazillion people now, but much lesser of our future generation will die from such ailments. We will also see a spike in people taking real ownership of their health. Those who allow themselves to eat to obesity and diabetics DO NOT deserve our help. Why should we help people who choose to self-destruct? You might as well give your money to the drug addict on the streets! It's the same!
Yes many lives will be lost initially as a result of this radical reformation. But if we are truly selfless, we will undeniably recognize that the future generation have alot more to benefit than if we were to continue the way we are now. Less unnecessary people = earth lasting longer = more time for mankind to find ways to reverse pollution before EVERYONE DIES.
Less money spent on healthcare and welfare on the sick and old = more money for law enforcement, education, infrastructure, research on pollution.
If you think you're smart enough to outwit Mother Nature, then you're really dumb. Mother Nature MADE you. And Her Law says that it's survival of the fittest. So start respecting that people.
Introduction
I was a straight A student, competed at the national level in athletics, and modelled while I was still studying. Oh, and I'm a psychopath.
When did I realize I was 'special'? Since I was in primary school, I already knew I was not the same as my classmates. But I attributed it to me being from a single-parent family. It was only when I started dating my boyfriend that I started to become aware of just how different I was. No I didn't stab him in the thigh with a fork on our first date. I shared with him how different I was, and the more I shared, the more I started to realize that hey, am I a psychopath?
Webster's dictionary defines psychopathy as a mental disorder especially when marked by egocentric and antisocial activity.
I also read an interesting online article online that there are 2 main profiles of psychopaths.
You either end up as a serial killer or a high achiever in whatever you pursue. What a difference huh? Which end of the spectrum you belong to depends on whether you use your 'gift' for constructive or destructive purposes.
I liken psychopathy to fire: you can use fire to cook your food, or you can use fire to burn down your enemy's house.
Why then is a psychopath a psychopath? My personal opinion is that we psychopaths just have a different set of morals and belief systems. We may know what some of the usual morals are, but we may not necessarily feel the same way. Well, at least that's how I think.
So follow me as I give you a sneak peak into the day-to-day life of a high-functioning psychopath who once in a while, has the urge to stab someone in the chest just because they bumped into me by accident... the adventure begins.
When did I realize I was 'special'? Since I was in primary school, I already knew I was not the same as my classmates. But I attributed it to me being from a single-parent family. It was only when I started dating my boyfriend that I started to become aware of just how different I was. No I didn't stab him in the thigh with a fork on our first date. I shared with him how different I was, and the more I shared, the more I started to realize that hey, am I a psychopath?
Webster's dictionary defines psychopathy as a mental disorder especially when marked by egocentric and antisocial activity.
I also read an interesting online article online that there are 2 main profiles of psychopaths.
You either end up as a serial killer or a high achiever in whatever you pursue. What a difference huh? Which end of the spectrum you belong to depends on whether you use your 'gift' for constructive or destructive purposes.
I liken psychopathy to fire: you can use fire to cook your food, or you can use fire to burn down your enemy's house.
Why then is a psychopath a psychopath? My personal opinion is that we psychopaths just have a different set of morals and belief systems. We may know what some of the usual morals are, but we may not necessarily feel the same way. Well, at least that's how I think.
So follow me as I give you a sneak peak into the day-to-day life of a high-functioning psychopath who once in a while, has the urge to stab someone in the chest just because they bumped into me by accident... the adventure begins.
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